She calls this one "ChemoSabe"

Okay, one more ridiculous post of my friend Ellen's sick sense of humor for all of you who are enjoying making fun on my hairless predicament......She calls this one

CHEMOSABE...

Pictures I promised

Okay - here's the real me without Ellen's edits and special effects. Last Thursday, my good friend Ellen came over and shaved my head for me. I was a bit traumatized until she and Danielle (my sweet daughter) started laughing and I decided this was just going to be okay. Every day, my precious girls rub my head like I'm a pet or something (can you say chia) and tell me it's thinning out. I call the next photo.....Got Rogaine?

God is good....All the time....and all the Time, God is good!

This morning, our family worshipped together at Creekside and it was such a blessing to be there in the presence of the Lord and just bask in the warmth of His love. Now that I'm actually able to use my brain again, I'm hoping I can get back to sharing less about me, and more about Him. Grace and Peace til tomorrow.....

Today is Thursday and I know it!

Praise God! I actually know what day it is, I can walk and talk, and water tastes good again!

Yesterday I went back to the doc because I was beginning to believe that I was going to pass to the other side....and they gave me a bag of fluids, lots of tlc, and sent me home. Today I woke up and walked and thus far am functioning like a real person! Huge thanks to my good friend Carolynn for getting me to the doc and making sure I was okay.

I am so thankful to all of you who continue to bring food and call and send wonderful emails and the like. I'm even thankful for my friend Ellen who continues to send me pictures of myself with strange hair pasted on them. I guess I'd better get used to strange hair because I think in a day or two, I'll be wearing someone else's since my head is all "tingly" which means I'm just around the corner from being Bald. But there are far worse things. Like going through the loss of a loved one. This week a dear brother in Christ went to be with the Lord, and I'm praying for his wife today as they lay him to rest. And my uncle's best friend will be laid to rest tomorrow. And then there's the woman they're talking about on the news who went for a bike ride and didn't come back home.

In all of these cases, God is weeping because His children are suffering. I'm going to do my best today to give God something to smile about. It's Thursday. And I'm walking and Talking. Praise God! Here's just a couple of Ellen's ridiculous pictures......

Praising God

Good morning all! Well, I hope I'm a little more coherent today. I want to thank all o f you for everything. The last week has been a complete fog - but this I know....God is right here with me--present through all o f you. It's hard to feel this weak and not think that you're going to die (or wish it!), but I know I'm coming out of it.

Rick and I had our walk this morning as the sun came up, and it was wonderful. I almost fell into the bushes when we got back cause I was so tired, but it was worth it! :)

The funny thing is that I am so hungry all the time! I eat about every 20 minutes I think. That's pretty fun. And thus far, there's nothing that doesn't taste good except water - which is normally smething I love. But I"m getting it down.

God is good! All the time. And all the time, God is good!

Rick Tells me it's Tuesday...

Good morning everyone. Well, my wonderful husband Rick tells me today is Tuesday, so I'll go with that. This morning I woke up crying which Rick says is good since before that all he said I could do was stare into space. So I guess we'll be thankful for tears!

What a crazy journey this is. The past 5 days are like a complete fog to me. There is just no way to describe the way these medicines make you feel. Rick tells me just to imagine that they are eating up all the bad and leaving the good and so that's what I'm doing. If you've called me or stopped in to visit, I truly appreciate it - I may not recall the visit, but know that I loved it!

The great news is that I am still enjoying food which you guys are wonderful to provide. And this morning Rick took me on another walk (I'm like his new pet), and it was amazing. He sang to me as we shuffled down the street and it was wonderful. (our neighborhood association is probably putting us on some watch list about now but that's okay).

The night before I had chemo (last Wednesday), I participated in a powerful healing prayer where a few prayer warriors prayed over me. One of the women there was filled with the spiriit and shared some pretty amazing insights with me. So in your prayer time, would you add me to your list, praying that I will give up whatever strongholds still exist in me so that I can serve God as He plans?

Thanks so much for continuing this journey with me.

Soon to be.......B&B

Good Sunday Morning

Well, at least I think it's Sunday. It's all been a fogg to me, but I got a birthday baloon this morning so that must mean it's my birthday which would make it Sunday! Woo Hoo! Partying here I come!

Words cannot express how grateful I am to each and every one of you right now. Your prayers and food and hugs and kisses are life-sustaining for me right now. Im having alot of trouble thinking and typing, but wanted so much to get this down on "paper".

Thursday when I got my first chemo went well (getting the chemo that is). My port worked miraculously well, and they sat me next to a nice woman who was also having her first infusion and who was also a patient of Dr Luke, my phenomenal surgeon. Of course mom Bootsie as with me. So we had a blast. Then about the time I got home and polished off a Chick Fil A sandwich (the best food in the world!), it hit me. I sunk down in the bed and bairly moved until yesterday. The way it makes you feel is pretty much indescribable. Sort of a really bad flu. Thank goodness for my meds though - they have kept me from actually getting sick - I just feel like I might. But my appetite is good (like always) and I'm starting to think I might be able to do this.

Family has been great. Danielle brought a little bell up to me yesterday and she spent her day running for the bell (there was some part of me that really enjoyed this---payback you know!). All kidding aside, she and Rick and have been unbelievable waiting on me hand and foot and feeding me saltines and shephard's pie from my neighor Carole. Ummmm good!

I am so very fortunate that I have been given this opportunity for healing. And I'm fortunate to have friends like you who are willing to walk the journey with me. God is so good, and he is with me every minute, not leaving my bedside.

I can't wait to get back in the world with the rest of you! We have much to do!

Grace and Peace,

Rene

You amaze me

Today has been an amazing day. I'm mostly amazed at the outpouring of God's love that is coming my way. I know it's totally God's love, because I don't deserve all that I'm receiving. Truly. I have received chemo caps crocheted by the hands of a young mother with 3 small children (who has much better things to do and must be doing it in her sleep), I've received wigs from delightful friends who anticipate how much more fun I will have as a blond (woo hoo), I've received a precious angel figurine who accompanied two very dear friends through their own medical crises (I'm going to take a picture of my little angel friend with me at chemo and other places just as if she were Flat Stanley). And a devotion book and a LIFE IS GOOD hat from a dear friend who is unbelievably caring. Then I received wonderful hand lotions and bath salts from a friend who was where I am just about a year ago. And then there is the food calendar set up by my friend whose husband broke his back just a week ago. And the flowers sent by my dear friends across the street. And more hugs than some people receive in a lifetime. I cried several times today - not because I have cancer - but because I have God's people just loving me. It's overwhelming and wonderful. You inspire me and encourage me and give me strength.

I love you. God is good. And you guys make Him and me smile.

Good Sunday afternoon everyone! What an amazing weekend God has given me! Saturday morning we held a Women's Brunch entitled "Women's Health" at Hickory Flat that had been planned for months. It was amazing! Jackie Patrick, a good friend who was diagnosed with lung cancer last August (not a smoker - no exposure to any agents that would have predicted this) and after undergoing surgery and chemo, led all of our worship by playing her keyboard and leading us in praise music. She shared her testimony about her fight back from lung cancer and sang a beautiful song "abundantly". Not a dry eye among us when she finished! It was so powerful.

Why? Because of where the story begins. When I went to pray with Jackie prior to her surgery last August, I remember sitting with her wondering what in the world I should say to this beautiful young woman who was about to be wheeled into what would turn out to be an 8 or 9 hour surgery. I had known Jackie to be an incredible singer who had actually led worship for retreats I had attended at another church years ago. So as I stood there trying to figure out something profound to say, God nudged me (okay, he hit me over the head which is usually what it takes for me) and I said "Jackie, you will be fine. In fact, I am going to ask you in the coming months when you are feeling better to sing for our women at Hickory Flat AND to share your testimony about how God healed you from lung cancer. I remember she smiled a sweet smile and said - you got a deal. (she was probably thinking - Jeez, did they give her some of these happy drugs they just gave me?)..... Because let's face it, what kind of crazy plan is that? A woman who was having 3/4 of her lung removed, would have a scar across her throat, and I'm asking her to not only sing again, but do it in front of a whole bunch of people AND share her testimony about how good God is. Well, let me tell you, there ain't nothin' crazy about God - Yesterday was the fruition of a promise God made to me and a deal Jackie and I made almost a year ago. Just as God promised, lives were changed (so were mine and Jackie's) and eyes were opened. And I'll bet God was smiling. How cool is that!

We also had wonderful speakers, Delores Hartley, A Wellness Advisor and Dr. Angela Falany, and OB/GYN. Both had phenomenal information and inspiration for us. At the end, I asked all of the women who either had a health issue that they'd like to be prayed for OR would be willing to come forward and stand in the gap for another woman to kneel at the altar for prayer. I'm not sure since I was the FIRST woman on my knees, but I'm fairly certain most of us in the room (50 or so) were on our knees at the altar. Linda Martin prayed over all of us and it was POWERFUL!

Then this morning I went to church for my last Sunday as one of the worship leaders (for a while anyway). We had two phenomenal services and we baptized a precious little 7-year old girl and her family joined the church.

I did, by the way, show off my port this morning at church to those of you with the curiosity or stomach to see it. It actually is rather cool - it sort of looks like one of those little buttons that pops out of the turkey on Thanksgiving that tells you when it's done - only it's under my skin (which is interesting) and it's not telling me I'm done yet. Hope it pops soon! :)

I can't tell you how amazing it is to me to be able to continue to minister to our people and to allow then to minister to me. I have received so many wonderful testimonies from others, so many special and unique gifts, and more hugs than you can imagine. I thank all of you from the bottom of my heart for your love and concern.

I continue to walk daily and to pray daily for you, my friends.

Much love - soon to be B&B.....

I've now had 48 hours with my new port, and I have to say it's been a bit challenging. Mostly I'm having trouble resting due to the discomfort (okay - pain!). I was able to take my bandage off today and see it - and it's very bizarre to see something poking up from underneath your skin! It sort of looks like a very thick button under there. I guess since I'm somewhat small in the chest area (no cracks people), there's just not alot of place for it to be tucked in.

At any rate, I did my prayer walk this morning (another couple of miles) and it was lovely. The next 5 days or so will be a challenge because I've got events at the church and alot to get done before chemo starts next week. Please pray that I'll know when to stop!

Thank you all for your continued prayers, calls, cards, and gifts. God is good!

The Port is in!

Okay, so yesterday, I got the all-important port! Everyone kept referring to "installing the port". I laughed with mom yesterday while waiting for my "install", because I felt like I was going in to see an electrician to get an outlet added or to see a computer tech to get my dataport installed. What a hoot!

The good news is that it went very smoothly. They didn't put me completely under, but I surely don't remember anything. Lord only knows what I might have said during my install, I'm only hoping I didn't refer to my surgical team as the "geek squad".

Didn't sleep alot last night, but am getting ready to go do my walk this morning. I've asked my good friend Sharon (a neighbor) to walk me. Now I feel like a pet.

Please know that I am so thankful to all of you for your prayers, calls, cards, flowers, and love. You keep me going, truly, because you remind me why God made us - to love one another and offer grace and mercy. I am thankful and blessed.

Prayer Walking

This morning I went prayer walking around my neighborhood. I've been doing a bit of this lately and plan to do it everyday that I can after chemo starts. Walking will be my new form of exercise, replacing the more energetic forms I've been doing for the past 6 years or so. Prayer walking is great for those of us who love to multi-task - but for those of you who have trouble walking and chewing gum at the same time, this may NOT be for you (you and I both know who you are!). Disclaimer: Nothing should replace conventional prayer time where you sit uninterrupted and completely with God, prayer walking is just an adjunct form of prayer you might try in additional to your daily time with God.

At any rate, while walking this morning, I went past the house of a good friend who just broke his back in a biking accident. Prayed for him and his terrific wife and kids. Went past another friend who battled cancer last year - and won! Prayed for him and his family. Then I went past way, way too many houses where I know there's strife with marriage or kids or money or all three....and I prayed for them. And unfortunately, among many of the houses I passed, there live folks who don't yet know God. Did you catch that I said YET???? Hmmm...this is where you and I come into the picture. You and I - all of us - can do something about this. I talk to so many people who feel like they don't have any special gifts or abilities (check out scripture, it has a whole lot to say about that argument)-- they'll tell me there's not alot they can contribute. Most of us can muster up enough ability to ask for a hamburger at McDonald's. Heck some of us can even use sign language to communicate. I've heard many of you talk so much and so fast I have no idea what the topic is! Well guess what? God hears what we ask for - he understands sign language - and we can't talk too fast or too inarticulate for him. He knows just what we are asking for and listens to every bit of it and delights in the fact that we are spending time talking with him. And our petitions for others--our faith on their behalf--can really make a difference (remember the invalid who was dropped down to Jesus through the roof by his friends ). How cool is that?

So will you join me in praying for your neighbors? Will you commit to pray for the life of just one person who doesn't yet know God? Will you pray that by God's grace, that person will come to know the joy that you and I get to live with everyday? And will you step out on a limb and pray that God will help you to become a person who can share your faith with others?

Just this morning's ramblings.....Have a great day and remember that God made you and He does things perfectly so you DO have special gifts and you can do alot of good. Just go do it!

In His Grip and soon to be B&B

Catching Up

Okay, let's go back to the beginning. On April 27, my sweet girl was in an automobile accident. By God's grace, she had minimal injury when an F-250 pickup truck hit her pretty much head on. That day, I felt a fear that's hard to describe, and it led me to all kinds of thoughts of the future. I had been feeling a lump in my right breast for about 3 months. Rick and I had talked about how I needed to get it checked, but both of us just assumed it would mean another trip to the surgeon to take yet another (I had already had two) benign fibroid adenoma. The day after the accident, something inside me just said "call for the mammogram". So I did. And by the next week, I had had the mammogram and was headed to my surgeon's office. That same day he sent me for an ultrasound and core needle biopsy. By the following week, I was diagnosed with breast cancer and Rick and I were weighing all the treatment options. I had a lumpectomy on May 30 after undergoing complete body CT scans, bone scan, and follow up MRI. Thankfully, they were all clear.

Inital results of my lymph node biopsies were that they were also clear, so we thought we'd just be looking at 6 weeks of radiation after surgery. However, when the full biopsy results came in a week later, we were told that there was a very small amount of cancer in one node, which increased the possibility of cancer spread. So we then met with an oncologist and after allowing time for a family camping trip, we are moving forward with treatments.

This Wednesday (July 12), my wonderful, incredible mother in law (I just call her mom) will take me to have my portacath surgically installed. This will allow for easy access for blood work and chemo treatments.

Then on July 20 my wonderful mother in law (mom) takes me for my first chemo treatment. It will last about 4 hours and is called FEC. It's supposed to be pretty powerful, and it'll make my hair fall out within about 10 days. I've decided my new nickname is going to be B&B - Bald and Beautiful, so y'all practice up on using that one okay?

My doctor (who is supposed to be THE best in Atlanta) has given me alot of prescriptions to help me with the other side effects, so I guess I'll see just how good she really is (just kidding....I know she's amazing).

Chemo will last a minimum of 18 weeks (6 treatmens, one every 3 weeks if my bloodwork looks good. Then I'll have 6 weeks of radiation and 5 years of hormone therapy. Whoo! Sounds like a journey to me!

I am really ready to get on with these treatments and move toward my ultimate healing. I'm asking all of you to pray specifically for the following: That I God in his mercy will completely heal me, 2) that through this journey I will grow closer and more dependent upon Him and His word, and 3) that through my testimony, others will be reached with the Good News of the Gospel.

And on a somewhat selfish note, pray that I really will be beautiful bald. :)

Please leave your comments. I'd love to hear from you! Thanks again for being there.

Welcome to my blog. I'm creating this as a way to share my thoughts (ramblings), fears (oh yeah), joys, concerns, prayers, and discoveries as I travel the journey of breast cancer. I discovered early on that this is a journey that God will not have me make alone or even just with Him. He's showing me very clearly that all of you, my friends and family, will be making this one with me as well. I am so thankful for each of you and for the ways you are encouraging me (our entire family really) through your prayers, hugs, presence in our home, food (yeah baby!), cards, letters, gifts of all sorts, and phone calls. I'm glad you are willing to walk some of this journey with me, and I thank God for His work through you. Grace and Peace, Rene